Saturday, November 13, 2010

TURNING POINT

God is so great that He turn me back to Him in my ministry.
last two weeks, i got back to the heart of worship, and God ask of me to fulfil my calling. I share it with some church members and ask them to pray for me.
It has never gone from me, and God prove it to me that He stick to His promise and wants me to realize that no matter how i am and how my life is, He wants me to serve Him fully and wholeheartedly.

i'm so bless and i'm trying my very best to fulfil it.

God Bless all!

Monday, September 20, 2010

why do i care??

Looking back at my social life, i realized 1 thing..i always care of things tht happen to my friends, family and acquaintance. sometime, even though i don't wana know, they naturally came to me. when i was younger, i did not understand this. But when i became born again, i learned why little by little.

Now, when i said "learned", it doesn't mean that i fully understand this gift. Why would i consider this as gift, when sometime (most of the time) it burdened me? sometime, when i myself was in dilemma or trouble, somehow other's matter seems to be more important. I spend more time, prayer, thinking for others than myself most of the time. there's time i want to stop, but i just couldn't, it just naturally come out from my heart, even though i don't want to.

I really don't want to complaint, but sometime i feel dry, disturbed and burdened by all the matters tht been shared to me. I know my role is to pray for them and i commitedly did. but i wonder is there anybody out there who is praying for me all the time as i did to others who need my support and prayers? I have witness the power of prayer and God's unfailing love answering my prayer for others. I realize that my jug is running empty after pouring out too much all this while..i need refill.

Please friends who cares for me, pray so that i come to my sense again, to understand why do i care so much..Thanks.

God is good all the time!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

s.A.d.I.s.T

sometime in this life, so many things came up..unexpectedly. when i was small, i always dream of my future. now, at this stage of my life, married and having a son and in my late twenties..i don't think i live much of this life. i came across so many event and incident in my life that teach me countless lesson. God has bring me through all of it, both good and bad ones.

At this moment, i came across a major, i mean enormous dilemma..even though this dilemma did not happen to myself but i am in it indirectly. my faith was shaken and my heart is heavily burden by this dilemma. never had i imagine anything like this would be this close and it affect my judgement of right and wrong before God. i was devastated. i learn from God the reality of life lived by mere human choice on this earth through this event. God's words and promises has been neglected due to ego and hypocrisy.

I am truly sad, at the moment i can only pray and support the individuals involved in this matter..i dont know what else to do..somehow through this matter, God is teaching and reminding me to live my life by His will, His words, His ways and His wisdoms. I am thankful to U God, who always there for me and lead me to be closer with U.

Awesome God!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Satisfaction

Last few days was my husband's birthday. Early of the month he mentioned to me that he is goin to treat himself with great present this year. So despite our big need with the coming of our baby in next 2 months, i encourage him to splurge for himself.

So he get himself a new notebook, a new big aquarium and a new exotic fish. I never feel so satisfied to see the joy in his face when he got all that he wanted. I can see that i'm gonna encourage him do that every year for his birthday as he deserve it after working so hard and all this time he spend his earning mostly our household needs and me.

I love u darling! U deserve the best..

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

isolation..

For a long time, i've gone many phases of isolation in my life..Once a fellow friend told me it's like wandering in the desert for a while and return with new resolution about anything in life.

For me, as life goes on, we catch up and adapt to changes in our life, gone are the days of studying, then, single days, couple days..through all of this, our personality evolve to suit the demand of the new role in life. However, for me one thing that i would never ever change are my friends..

Sometime it is impossible to keep the same pace with most of my friends, but i try to make myself up to date with their life. Most of the time, i miss them a lot as we live far apart from each other. i feel isolated sometime..left out from the circle. My life is less happening without friends around me. My husband sometime encourage me to add new friends that is more relevant to my stage now, as he said it will broaden my view and learn more. i agree to his point. Not to say my old friend are not as good, but in reality, it's hard to get in touch, and relate to them as now the miles and way of life has led us apart from each other.

well, i stay positive with my circumstances, and always try to make the best out of my life, and isolation is just another excuses i made to myself to express my loneliness..

in fact, i am still surrounded by the people i love..so i guess, it's not tht bad after all.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Attitude Vs Feeling

I watch a drama on local tv station, one of the line that capture me in the drama was..having to care of other's feeling until we neglect our own feeling..

I believe a lot of us are in that situation, well lately, i was in the situation a lot. I hate it when it happen to me. But i learn how to handle it by getting through it. I get to point no.1, we could never impress other up to their expectation, as they have their own opinion on things, and not necessarily up to our own understanding. For example, I tried my best to make things better for someone else, but tht someone just don't seem to appreciate my effort, and i end up frustrated and angry. I feel tht i hv been fooling myself by trying so hard. So in the end, i took my husband's advise to just let go, as we can't do everything for others no matter how much we love them and wanted the best for them.

Point No.2, We could never change other's attitude unless they want to change. I get to a point that i had enough with one's attitude. It's very hard for me to accept a person's laziness because it annoy me so much! There's too much complaints and excuses, and i never like ridiculous excuses. I don't know if i'm particularly a difficult person to live with but for me too lazy is too much! especially for a girl. I can't stand it and i don't care anymore.

Point No.3, I could never live with a person that did not give a damn about anything or anyone else but herself. why would i waste my time, energy and emotion thinking of this kind of person. Somehow as if the universe is helping me in this matter, it turn out that i'm not the one who will have to work on to solve this problem. so now, i'm gonna follow the game and guiltlessly feeling relieve as, i have other burden and problem to face.

Point No.4, In time in need, i don't need negativity. In a vulnerable state, i don't need negative energy evolving around me. all i need at the moment is support, encouragement and constructive criticsm. I don't need people who will make me feel bad or worse, inadequate, incapable, helpless and not good enough. My condition is obvious enough, i would appreciate a bit of sensitivity.

Well, sometime trying to accomodate others are wearing us down rather than building us up. So i learned the lesson, i just got to do my best and not to push myself too hard. It take positive attitude and passion to live harmoniously with others in this life.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

when hubby's away..

I'm actually getting used to my husband travelling every 1 or 2 weeks now. I got plenty of time for myself and the house. good thing is that i hv his youngest bro and my youngest sis staying with us. so when he travel, i stil hv companies at home (especially now tht i'm pregnant). It's not bout counting on them to help me around the house (which u knw how youngsters/student are..), but more to feel safe having somebody staying with me in case anything happen (this is my first pregnancy, so i'm a bit nervous)

In the beginning, i feel so lonely when he was away..for example, just a few weeks after our wedding he had to travel for a month, and we just moved into a new home. it's just me and him, no more housemates. Well, before we got married, we were on a long distance relationship a lot (years of it), despite of tht experiences, i definitely feel more lonely than it was before. But now after more than a year later, i'm getting good at handling it.

Most challenging was the last 3 month of year 2009, during the first trimester, i was so down with morning sickness (which actually 24hours sickness to me). i need him most and yet he travel a lot. i feel so awful when he was away. When he returned home, he took care of me delicately, i feel that he tried to made up for the time he wasn't around. I noticed tht he tried his best to relate to me in my condition, but sometime he couldn't as he did not feel or saw the changes yet (i wasn't showing baby bump until 5 months into pregnancy).

Since January this year, his job is so demanding tht he travel extensively. there was one time he returned home after 3 weeks travelling, he was so surprised to see my big belly. at tht moment, i saw in his eyes how he regret to miss the time to be with me. And from then on, he finally could fully relate to the baby i'm carrying in my tummy. he touch my belly whenever he could, feel the baby move or kicks. It was such a pure joy for me and him.

As i said in my previous post, second trimester, my morning sickness has gone..and now, it does not bother me when my husband is away, it's back to what it was before. Missing him every moment is no exception. I just don't feel so bad anymore. we keep in touch almost at any time of the day and night. He called me every few hours as usual, only now instead of asking just bout me, he is asking bout our baby too. I could feel that we are ready to be parents no matter how much he will be away for his work in the future.

I love you darling, don't worry..everything gonna be fine ;)