sincere..

i woke up early this morning..kinda chilly..

wish to continue to sleep, but failed..

this cold saturday morning reminds me of home back in kampung ;)

Today is so quiet..everything seem to be frozen..maybe lots of people went back to their hometown for this long holiday. anyway, i work as usual today.

Yesterday, an old friend came to my house for a short visit, actually i did not expect him at all, out of sudden he was there knocking at my door. Actually i was alone at home, so i was a bit resistance to let him in. but he sure know well to invite himself in eventhough i already explain that i'm alone in the house, what can i do.. i left the door open, when at first he want to close it. honestly, i'm not comfortable at all but i don't want to be rude. Plus my darling and i were aware of his extra fond attitude towards girls which actually disgusting both of us, coz he ever did that to me in front of my darling.

I might be an open minded person as people can see, but the truth is, i am very conservative, and a girl of dignity (my close buddy and family knows tht well). Sometime, i feel certain people don't understand and being unconsiderable of other people's self respect. I find that very annoying, one should know the limits and respect other's dignity, we are not living in the western country where the culture is obviously opposite to ours.

When he was gone, seriously i feel disappointed, he is a former church member and even know my darling, and aware that we are getting married, but he seems to have no respect at all to me and my darling, and even ask me again and again when will i be free to go out with him, i don't understand why he did that and maybe he thinks that i'm easy and just like other girls he used to date or maybe he just don't understand how much i love my darling. i told him, i can't go out with him, and if my darling is around, when we are free then we'll see if we could hang out together with some other friends. The fact is that, i hate guys with this kind of attitude and i know it is wrong to hate, but this is the type of person who always ruins other's relationship and make other's life miserable.

i told my darling about his visit, and off course he was so annoyed as much as i did when he heard the news. Then he said "why most of your former church friends have this weird attitude, can't they be just as straight as when they are serving in ministry at the church?", at this, i feel so down, later last night, i prayed from the deepest of my soul and spirit for my friends that i know and had formerly serving in ministries together with me.

friends, i'm sorry if this hurt you, but i mean no offense to any of you, i hope that all of us including myself will be more sincere in living our life as we did in serving God. Sincerity to me is freedom to the soul.