cool art...

..TrUSt..

How To Build Trust in Relationships
By Susie and Otto Collins
Mar 6, 2000

How do you build trust in relationships? We've found the secret is constant communication, one moment at a time. We both came from dead-end relationships from a state of vulnerability but with a strong desire for a different kind of relationship--a relationship filled with passion, love, honesty, friendship and most of all, partnership.

Safety and trust are the twin sides of the same coin--both involve risk and both form the foundation of any great relationship. Safety is the feeling you get when you have trust. Trust means not only learning to trust others but it's learning to trust yourself--especially if you've been in less than desirable relationships in the past.

From the beginning, we've practiced honesty and not hiding, no matter how painful the truth is. When you've been used to "sparing" the other person or not saying something because it might hurt their feelings or rock the boat, it's very difficult to open up and speak your truth. But we believe this is absolutely necessary to form a solid foundation of trust between two people.

People often will trust a total stranger before trusting an
intimate partner because that total stranger cannot hurt them like they imagine a partner can. Tony Robbins tells a great story about how we all trust every single day of our lives while driving our cars. The fact of the matter is--it takes a great deal of trust to drive down a road at 55 mph with another car coming the other way at 55 mph and only one white line separating the two of you. The potential for danger is great--you don't know that other person; you don't know if they've been drinking; you don't know if they'll stay on their side of the road. That, my friend, takes a lot of trust.

The challenge is to exhibit the same amount of trust in our relationships--knowing, believing, trusting that the other person is acting from their highest good.

Two of the thought patterns that destroy trust in relationships are dwelling on past pain (whether with this person or others)and futurizing about potential negative events that haven't happened. Every time your mind starts to make up wild stories that involve abandonment, guilt, jealousy--those old tapes that just keep running and don't seem to stop--bring yourself back to the present moment and differentiate the past and the future the present. If you focus on "now" and what you want, you will build trust between you and your partner.

When we have these negative feelings, we talk about them--not hiding them but being honest. We've found that when we acknowledge that the source of these feelings originated from past experiences, the situation is not threatening to the other person and we are able to let those negative thoughts go.

If you place your attention on either worrying about past relationships or question where this relationship is going
in the future, you lose the opportunity to be in the moment
for yourself and your partner. You also lose the opportunity to build the trust that you need between the two of you. If you are in a relationship that has gone through some challenges, you can't heal the distance and pain between the two of you by dwelling on the past or fearing the future. You must look at where you are at the present time.

Build trust one moment at a time--remember what Dan
Millman said, "There are no ordinary moments."

i'm the jerk version

i'm doing it all wrong at this moment, every single thing that i do was not right.
i feel bad of myself this week.
i dont know if i enjoy and appreciate the present of people around me.
i can't think positive right now.
in every single day, i have make few things that make a bad impression of myself.
i try to be good this few days but failed.
and just few minutes ago, i screwed up again, and all i got is my darling's sour face.
somehow, all of this seems like happen by itself.
i dont intend to be rude to anyone, but it happen. when i realise what had happen it was done.
i feel sorry for those whose feeling i hurt, but somehow i myself doesn't feel good either.
some people comment that i make a lot of excuses, sometime i think it may be true.
but most of the time i'm not making excuses, i'm telling the truth.
lately i have low enthusiasm, until at this very moment

a tribute to a special Friend

uploading my mind...

i hate the situation when i did my best for a work, but all that i get back is crap from those people i help. sometime i blame myself maybe i did not do my best yet. but today, i get to say it all out, i don't care what people say anymore, i'm trying to do my work and i can't listen to everybody's complain or else i will never get it done!! sorang nak itu..sorang nak ini..dulu nak mcm tu, skrg nak mcm ni...arrrgghhhh..i might lost my mind.
and today, when i've done my part, complain pulak...telling tht the process took so long..OMG!! if i own this company, then u should blame me..i'm juz doin my job ok! and it's not my money and i don hv the power to spoonfeed all your needs! ewwwwwwwww disgusting! i hate people when they are being inconsiderable with others..if your life is gonna end juz because u didn't get it, then i suggest just quit this job and get a new one somewhere else. after all this company is not charity body to spoonfeed you to match everything that u want, furthermore it's not company's fault that you are broke and that ur money is not enough for everything.

unnecessary move

rumours goin on bout UMNO opening branch in Sarawak..my personal opinion..i totally agree with majority sarawakian, we don't need UMNO here in our state as we have strong BN component party to rule Sarawak, and UMNO is irrelevant to Sarawak because this state consist of more than 30 indigenous race.. why should we have a one race party which only benifited one group of people..Our state is different from any other state in this country, and we want to keep our identity and the way it is now.

here is clipping i got from Borneo post, i am a 100% supporting our political leaders on their effort and hard works to rule this state and and i hope they will keep Sarawak free from UMNO.

Nadai kebuah UMNO dibai tama kitu, ku Unting

Ulih Zora Chan

KUCHING, 12 Jun: Bala bekau kaban Parti Bansa Dayak Sarawak (PBDS) ke udah dikinsil rejista, bisi dipinta anang ngeregau penemu bala raban bansa Dayak, kelebih agi bala di menua pesisir, pasal rita penatai UMNO ke deka ngerekai lalu numbuh sayap iya di Sarawak.
Timbal presiden sepiak Parti Rakyat Sarawak (PRS) Dublin Unting madah Sapit Perdana Menteri udah terang madah hari Satu tu tadi UMNO nadai ati deka ngerembai diri ngagai Menua tu.
“Parti Pesaka Bumiputera Bersatu (PBB) tu siti parti Bumiputera ke sama bejalaika tanggung pengawa baka UMNO. PBB mega disukung kuat ulih komponen parti BN bukai di Sarawak,” ku iya madah ngagai bala pengarang berita ditu kemari.
Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak madah sida sigi enda meri kemendar tauka merekat sebarang atur deka numbuhka UMNO di Sarawak.
Dublin ke mega Menteri Muda Lumba enggau Main madah, iya bisi ninga sekeda bala bekau kaban PBDS bisi udah bejalai di Serian enggau Sri Aman ngelaku tauka promosi penatai UMNO kitu apin lama, lalu ba serantu jalai iya mansang ngagai Batang Ai, sekeda menira UMNO bisi digantung orang sebelah rumah panjai niti jalai kin.
Iya madah UMNO nadai kebuah patut masuk ngagai Sarawak laban parti ke sigi udah bisi ditu baruh pegai Kepala Menteri Pehin Sri Abdul Taib Mahmud endang nadai penanggul bejalaika pengawa sida mantu sereta nangkup peminta rayat.
“Kitai diatu chukup tegap, lalu UMNO nadai kebuah patut dibai tama datai kitu,” ku iya.
“Anang ngeregau runding enggau ati bala raban bansa Dayak di menua ulu. Dinga manah jaku bala tuai perintah besau enggau perintah menua,” ku iya.

to Mr D @ my Darling

A piece for my dearest..

I'll Stand By You

Oh why you look so sad
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

Oh I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you

coming back from holiday..

holiday started friday last week till yesterday, before that my mom ask me wether i'm goin back or not, i told them i did not plan to go back. as soon i will be goin back when my eldest sis giving birth. so my mom quite disappointed, i told her my situation, she understand and approve. Gawai was always a big feast, but for me, i never really experience it as we are not celebrating gawai, but we do have friends and relatives who celebrate it..but i just don't have the opportunity to join them. last friday, the first day of gawai, my relative called me, inviting me to their house for makan2, so i went in the afternoon, i guess it's the first time i ever went to a bidayuh house (my relative's husband a bidayuh)for gawai. i spent about an hour there, then go back. that same evening i catch a bus and went to miri.

i did not drive to miri, coz it was late already, and rumours says tht during gawai season, there will be a lot of drunken people along Bintulu-Miri road, which scares me to drive alone for a 3 hours journey. when i reach miri, it was already pass 11pm, kak S and uncle Gabriel pick me up. i stayed at their house. the next morning, on saturday i attend the holy matrimonial of Anne and Perry at SIB Krokop church. but the disaster is that, when i take out my jeans out of my bag, i juz realize that i brought the wrong one, ("oh my gudness! i can't believe this!" my reaction when i realize). so dengan selambanya i juz put it on and act like nothing happen hahahhaha, but somehow when i reached at the church, somebody did notice the defect (eu jian & boboy and everybody else i guess but too polite to mention it to me hihi) i did flush, but i manage to pull it hahahhahhahaha...luckily i'm kind of muka tebal.

The wedding dinner was at dynasty hotel, i went there with mummy ernie, we did enjoy the nite (off course the food is nice hehehe)thanks to Anne and Perry. but when the clock strike 10, i was too sleepy to keep my mood in place, anyway i don't wanna ruin the joy, so taking photos did keep my sleepy eyes away. tht nite i sleep soundly..tak sedar dunia hahaha too tired. but i bet the bride and bridegroom are more tired than me. can't imagine if it's my own wedding.

The next morning, i went back to bintulu, i reached home at nearly 2pm after having lunch with aunty salalang and her family. she invite me for dinner at their house as her in laws are coming from Miri. so that evening i went to their house for dinner with her family.

then yesterday, it was a nice sunny day, so i washed and cleaned the house, after one whole tiring morning, i rest the whole afternoon watching TV. That evening i planned to go out jogging, but it was raining heavily, so i exercise at home. that's mean i did not went out at all the whole day yesterday..huh.. kinda like that, save petrol hahaha.

very talented!

being perfect

i don't know if i say this right, it is hard to become a person who others want you to be..
i believe only parents do it right when they brought us up, but when we become an adult we are also out of their hands as we can already decide for our self what we want to be..
for me, my parents had done a tremendous job in nurturing good values in me.
i am used to high expectation in my life, even though it's hard to achieve but i have tried my best, and i have no regrets bout it. i believe my family accept me as i am, even though sometimes i let them down, that's how family are.

I don't think it is fair to ask somebody to become other person by comparing that somebody with that other person, for example, they want you to be like A, and start to compare you with A. the fact is that, you are not A and i don't believe A is so perfect either. As far as i'm concern, nobody is perfect, so you have to accept other's imperfection. Stop comparing and try to accept them the way they are and be thankful for what you've got, not everybody can switch into somebody which they are not. Just encourage them for improvement, don't ask them to be somebody else. it's better off to be themselves.

i am not a good cook, but that does not mean i'm not goin to the kitchen at all.
i'm not so good with elder people, does not mean i did not respect them.
i'm not so good at home making yet, but that does not mean i'm not a good wife.
i have bad attitude, does not mean i didn't try to get rid of them.
i realize that i cannot be someone else other than myself, but one thing i know, i can make good of things that i'm not so good at. I also learn to adjust to life's circumstances, and hope others can tolerate with me too while i'm adjusting myself.

for me i learned a lesson, i have been so anxious before of trying to impress others, but the people which i try to impress so much are not too good themselves, so why should i be stressed out by this people who only know to expect the best and high demand from others while not looking in the mirror for a big splint stuck in their own eyes. i just want to live my life at my best,and be happy with it.

have a nice day my friends!

Sending back..

Yesterday, a friend of mine told me a true story that happened to a girl from a rural area. the story is like this...
one family who live in kuching go to the rural area to get a wife for their son, so they manage to pick one and both parents agreed for their child to be married to each other. after the wedding is done, the girl was brought to kuching to live with her husband's family. Then when she was there, she did not perform well as a wife, according to my friend, she hardly do any of the house chores. This attitude has cause her in laws dislike her.
Then her husband's family plan of a vacation back to her village in the rural area. i guess she must be so excited after staying with the in law for some time, finally she got to meet her family. but what happened next i guess will be the last thing on her mind, the husband's family sending her back for good, and annul her marriage with her husband.
well friends, i thought that is the meanest thing ever happened to a girl. She was married to a stranger, taken from her family, being incompetent as a wife, and the in laws plan behind her back to get rid of her, humiliate her whole family and relatives. how do you think she live her life after that??if i were to be in her place, i would probably commit suicide. Her story is being told again and again from mouth to mouth to this very day.
and what i hate the most is that, people who told the story to others is like so proud of the man's family who did tht thing to the girl, i think they must be dumb to be proud of such cruelty. And from my point of view, the man's family is coward enough to face the girl to tell her straight to her face that they don't like her, coward enough to accept her by who she is, coward enough to be responsible of their own decision of getting her married to their own son, and coward enough to teach her to be a good wife.
To that girl, i hope she will be strong, it is way better not to live with the dumbs and cowards, and to suffer because of them.
To the man's family, you claim her by marriage to be part of your family, yet you never accept/own her as part of you, don't even think that you had give her back, because you had never have her.

this is fantastic! i love it!

"Loose Canon" ...pachellbel become more fun than the original..hihihi

Blake goes to final!!!!

Top three perfom so great last night!! well the result is even great..my favourite Blake goes to final!! Melinda goes home but credits to her singing too, she's a brilliant singer..well i guess American has the same thought as i do..i was really hoping for Blake to go to final since the beginning of the show..and now my hope came true!

Now i hope Blake will be the next American Idol!!!!!

stammering children

Last night i watch Discovery Home & Health and one program that caught me..it's call "Help me to speak"
i was so move watching it, it make me realize how difficult it was to communicate if a child is stammering. the program shows that speech therapy could help this stammering children. i am really move to help children with stammering problem. i wonder if we have a community or support group in our country that actually help stammers children..friends, if u know any, please let me know.

anyway, if u don't have any idea what stammering is..this might help u understand:
http://www.stammering.org/generalinfo.html

sunny day

on sunday, i wash my owen, hang him outside to dry, but unlucky for him yesterday while i was in the office in the morning, it was raining heavily, so he was wet again..thanks to God, today is bright and sunny, so i guess i can hug owen when i sleep tonite..owen was a gift from my mom when i got offer from college in 2001. i really love him..my mom is the best hihi..

Yesterday, in the afternoon, i'm not feeling well, so i went back and rest at home. i work for half day, feel sorry to my staffs tho..coz left only a few in the office, others went on leave (committee release after Borneo Games).

i feel so blessed today for so many reason, and i hope others also feel the same..

Petronas Borneo Games

alright, The Petronas Borneo Games held in Bintulu this year, our venue host three 3 major games, Badminton, Tennis and Dart.

Officially kicked off today early in the morning, and right now there's a lot of people outside my office and around our venue. they hv been coming here since wednesday.

contigents from all over sabah, sarawak and W.P Labuan(which is form of Petronas staff in this three region)has been here since yesterday, and we are proud to welcome them, it's like meeting members of a very big family.

my staffs are all been busy since last week for the preparation of this Games, and some of them has been on standby since monday..kasihan, double the jobs. But it is excited to see the responds to this event. This event will close on monday next week, and we have a lot of fun activities coming up during this 4 days event, and also special artist perfomances.

so for all petronas staff in Borneo, enjoy this Borneo Games!

Have a nice day y'all!

a blessing from the other side of the world..

yesterday, while i was so bored waiting for an important email from our auditor, i browse thru few blogs..then i found this.. Angie's Blog
i read thru her blog, and she remind me of myself back then. i love to write things just as she wrote while i was in college.
Thanks to God for the blessing, i know it's not a coincidence to find her blog, and God is reminding me of His wonderful love again.

ok, have anice day everyone and God bless everybody!

empty

i'm going thru an emptyness right now, i don know, it's just happen, somehow, when i work, i feel empty, when go back home it feels so empty, i'm so bored. can't help it. each day, i was thinking hard what to do to get rid of this feeling. it's not that i have nothing to do, but it's just feels that way. it's like something is missing in my life. excitement, yeah i have no life excitement. maybe it's due to my life situation now..i'm stagnant. i can't move forward, and definitely i don't wanna turn back. people always say, live life one day at a time, but for me it's like living life one hour at a time..it feels so long. how i wish it was like in the fantasy world where i can just sleep thru this time today and wake up in the 2 or 3 months in the future.
and while writing this post, i have already yawn the third time..my gudness! i'm tired of all this..

cool..

i saw cip andy do this on his page, so i decided to try too..here's what i got ;)