sincere..

i woke up early this morning..kinda chilly..

wish to continue to sleep, but failed..

this cold saturday morning reminds me of home back in kampung ;)

Today is so quiet..everything seem to be frozen..maybe lots of people went back to their hometown for this long holiday. anyway, i work as usual today.

Yesterday, an old friend came to my house for a short visit, actually i did not expect him at all, out of sudden he was there knocking at my door. Actually i was alone at home, so i was a bit resistance to let him in. but he sure know well to invite himself in eventhough i already explain that i'm alone in the house, what can i do.. i left the door open, when at first he want to close it. honestly, i'm not comfortable at all but i don't want to be rude. Plus my darling and i were aware of his extra fond attitude towards girls which actually disgusting both of us, coz he ever did that to me in front of my darling.

I might be an open minded person as people can see, but the truth is, i am very conservative, and a girl of dignity (my close buddy and family knows tht well). Sometime, i feel certain people don't understand and being unconsiderable of other people's self respect. I find that very annoying, one should know the limits and respect other's dignity, we are not living in the western country where the culture is obviously opposite to ours.

When he was gone, seriously i feel disappointed, he is a former church member and even know my darling, and aware that we are getting married, but he seems to have no respect at all to me and my darling, and even ask me again and again when will i be free to go out with him, i don't understand why he did that and maybe he thinks that i'm easy and just like other girls he used to date or maybe he just don't understand how much i love my darling. i told him, i can't go out with him, and if my darling is around, when we are free then we'll see if we could hang out together with some other friends. The fact is that, i hate guys with this kind of attitude and i know it is wrong to hate, but this is the type of person who always ruins other's relationship and make other's life miserable.

i told my darling about his visit, and off course he was so annoyed as much as i did when he heard the news. Then he said "why most of your former church friends have this weird attitude, can't they be just as straight as when they are serving in ministry at the church?", at this, i feel so down, later last night, i prayed from the deepest of my soul and spirit for my friends that i know and had formerly serving in ministries together with me.

friends, i'm sorry if this hurt you, but i mean no offense to any of you, i hope that all of us including myself will be more sincere in living our life as we did in serving God. Sincerity to me is freedom to the soul.

time to rest..

how does retired people feel? i've always wonder. the guy i replaced was retired and yet he still came to the office once in a while. off course for my father, after retiring means time to concentrate on his sago plantation work. But i wonder, those retired from office job..i supposed they too finding something else to do, only that their things are different from what my dad did.

I believe all retirees should enjoy their retirement life, after long years of toils, they deserve to get the rest and time for themself and should not be burden by any more hard works. i wish my own dad know that, he need to stop doing whatever he did now. he does not need to do that anymore, all of us are grown up, thanks to God we have jobs and business, more than enough to support our family. it hurt me so much to see him working so hard despite his bad health condition. but he wont listen to us. He seems to ignore all our advise. i wish he know that all of us still need him to be healthy and well.

pak, ngak lah gei keja, cukup lah dakai puluk taun keja baat bak menak kamei semuah mudip dao dagen dunia ih, pasad gei, ih gei lian kaau bak merasa senang, bier kamei singen gei keja..kala kamei debei kenaan didak, jumit pun ngak dao angai, asal telo semuah jaan min apah bieh.

taking control of myself

one week feels so short, it's like having ice cream on a hot sunny day.

after one week, my lil sis has returned to sibu. I like her spending time with me.

we do a lots of exercise together..hehehe

one trend that is very common amongs girls or women, is being beautiful.
i have friends that are obsess to be beautiful (no offense friends). what i mean is that slim figure, smooth and fair skin, current hairstyle, and also inner beauty.
they are willing to spend lots of money to make sure they get the beauty tht they want.
after a while blending with them, i guess i'm nearly turning into one of them. i'm not quite sure if that is a good or bad influence at first. But somehow, i manage to balance myself, take the necessary and toss the not. In my case, i'm working toward a slimmer figure.

Before, i dont take health seriously, i dont even care of my bad eating habbit. my stress contribute to that too. Eating makes me feels good. I'm lucky to hv my boyfriend who always push me to slim down and change my eating habbit. But my family dont like the idea of my attempt to be slim, my mom always says my figure is okay. I guess i'm trapped between my mom and my boyfriend. But in the end, it is not because of them i took my action, it is my concern towards my health, plus my clothes hehehe, its hard to fit in lots of them already.

First, i found a partner for exercise, and i'm so grateful to hv her as my joging partner, coz for both of us, our target is achievable and realistic. before this others suggest on extreme dieting and some goes on without eating for days..which is unhealthy for me and no way i'm gonna torture myself doing that.

Second, i browse on healthy lifestyle articles, exercise tips and healthy way of dieting to shed fat from our body through the internet. i found those articles are really helpful, and i only follow tips that is suitable for me.

Third, i enjoy my slim down process, and feel more healthy than ever. some people get stress, frustrations and give up during the process, that is why, i don't even want to stress myself to get slim, i think of it as getting healthy process, try not to compare myself to others and put a realistic target and timeline.

I'm still on the process now and week by week i'm seeing myself improving.

thinking of..

i read a lot of articles about life. Somehow from time to time there are more and more articles about life that appears no matter where, the magazine, books, internet, newspapers, in fact they are everywhere.
so i guess, human are actually addicted to life, every single thing that we do are for our life or the life of others. Some take life to the extreme, cheating death or revive the death. i can't imagine how important a life is to human.
But taking life of others, like the gunman in virginia tech massacre is just an unthinkable act. I feel deeply sorry for those family who lost their love ones in the tragedy, and i pray that God will heal their broken heart.
By the way, from the incident, i learned something bout life. No matter how valuable our life is to ourself and others, it will be taken away from us, whether we allowed it or not, for it is not us to choose. When God says it's time...then Amen. For those who has gone, celebrate their memory, and for us who still alive, live for our salvation.

i hope this will light the candle in those heart who lost their love ones.
have a nice day! God bless you.

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

lately, i am soooooooooooooo busy. luckily a fren drop a note that triggers me to update my blog..

for the last 3 weeks, a lot of things happen..
1. i make a trip to Miri
2. attend 2 bday parties
3. my old skool fren got a job here in the same town, so we met again and the chitchat never end down to the memory lane (we do hv a lot of thing to catch up)
4. i got new haircut..regret it tho, my hair before already reach my waistline, now short already
:( and my darling a bit upset bout it.
5. i've been on serious diet and exercise and this is the 4th week, really sees the result hehehe
6. got new housemate, well i don like sharing my house with stranger tho..kinda odd, but she's a friend's girlfren, so have to..pity him. (honestly, i'm annoyed)
7. i'm thrill, my sis in law gave birth to a healthy baby boy last week
8. my parents are in KL, don't know when they are coming back but good thing bout it, dad call me more often.
9. my lil sis came to visit me, and good news is that she's gonna stay with me for a week, sooo kewl..hehhehe
10. my darling promise something for me, and he sure make my day hehehehe....

alrite, i guess ten is enuff. hv a nice day everyone!

all bout work

at this point of my career, i'm agreed to the saying "higher pay, higher responsibilty"
tommorow we are having a major event but i have it all ready and just few things to be prepared for the final touch.
next financial year, my workload is piling up, i have more major projects to handle. but off course i'm getting myself prepare for it. for this financial year, i have finished our new Guardhouse, football field and lots more major maintenance project. i am satisfied with my achievement so far, and can't get it done without excellent staffs. Glad i have a very hardworking staff.
But the ugly truth, despite my passion of getting my job done well, i am looking for another job. how ironic is that.. i work hard for this company, and yet i'm planning to leave. i guess i'm a person that is very hard to meet self satisfaction, i just want to do more than what i'm doing now.

superstitious

last night i have a bad dream, i'm not sure whether it's just a dream or it mean something..but the dream was quite weird to me.
in my dream, i caught my darling red handed kissing another girl, my reaction was, upset and go away holding my tears, and he did not go after me and just wait for me to come back, which i did come back and totally upset..
i woke up instantly and can't sleep after that, it was 3am in the morning. but i wasn't really thinking of the dream, then 5.45am, my darling who is thousands miles across the ocean send me a message (sms), greeting gud morning to me..somehow he did ring a bell, i told him straight away bout my dream, he said that it was nonsense..
i know it was just me, the dream was a little bit disturbing, maybe i just miss him so much. Never cross my mind to think of my darling would do something like that as i trust him and know his character well. what a dream tho....huh can't imagine if it really happen..

Anyway, thanks God i have faith.

freelance job wanted

friends..

if you know any vacancy for freelance job, please let me know ok..
i'm kinda bored, and need to do something during my spare time.

i would be happy enough if i got any writing job, i can write about anything hehe..

contact me (please...):- erry682@yahoo.com

i am serious bout this, and appreciate your help.

sweet treasure

today, suddenly my sis (sis adlin) who now live in sabah goes online, we chat for a while, there are too much to catch up between each other..i miss her so much and haven't seen her for few years now since i left college. i'm so glad that we are stil keepin in touch wit each other.
she is like a real sis to me..she cared for me when i was in college and help me with a lot of my probs. i miss to hang out wit her. hopefully someday i could hang out wit her again. she told me.."eventho we are far apart, yet it feels like you are so close to me" and off course i feel the same way too, againts all odd, we still connected to each other eventho we haven't seen each other for so many years..our conversation, topics, and "language"..we understand each other so much and that's the amazing thing of our relationship.
it is so hard to find somebody that can really suit or match our soul, and affect us so much. she is like a precious treasure to me. i thank God for a sister like her.

luv u sis..

my first dental appointment

at last, i made it to the dentist..i was ready to bear the pain of tooth being pulled out of my gum.
to my surprise, the dentist said "your tooth is still ok, we only need to fill the decayed tooth". then she set an appointment for me next tuesday.
i always have the fear of seeing dentist before, but what i experience just now is not bad at all. i feel comfortable with it.
well, i guess i won't be seeing any toothfairy in this time around ;)

King of my heart

i could have not got anything without Him, the King of my heart
many people take Him for granted
i pray that i will always give Him thanks
for everything that i was, am, and goin to be

i dedicated the song "King of my heart" by michelle tumes to HIM
who deserve all the praises and worship of my heart
i am so glad that i am found..
i pray that all others who seek Him shall be found too..

i dream of...

the place where i work is exactly by the sea shore, but unfortuntely due to erosion, now we could only indulge the sea view from inside our perimeter fence.




i always dream of a getaway, to the amazing islands of maldives..last time i saw great vacation destinations there on TV...uhhh..how i really wish i could go there..i guess that is what i need right now.

maybe i'm affected by busybee virus, plus my toothache..OMG..can't event eat properly now, especially iced and sweet food. my staff went to a dentist this morning and he did invite me too, but i was just too busy with my job. guess i just go next week, hope i will still survive till then.

by the way, i'm preparing to be in the long distance relationship again..(owh..really don't like it), my darling is goin away again..for quite a long time this time...and i might need to prepare for a move again but not soon..well what can i say, life goes on...

Rollercoaster..

life is full of changes and surprise..sometime there are too many changes in short time, and i feel tired adapting myself to it..i guess i'm agree to the sayin "life is a roller coaster"

When we took a ride on a roller coaster;

all the way up, we feel the bloodrush and our heart pumping like crazy, and we scream excitedly..

When it goes down, our scream = excitement + fear + sick

hahhahaha...

After it come to the end, it stop, we stand up and walk away, sometime wobbly, dizzy and feeling funny..but in not more than 10 step, we are back to normal..

sometime i find that changes are exciting, and sometime wears me out..and other time, i don't quite sure if it is right..or if i'm doin ok with it.sometime, i drag myself to get pass it as fast as i could, like wishing the rollercoaster ride would end soon, but sometime i don't want it to end.

next month, there is gonna be a major changes for me again, i don't knw where it leads me to, but i do hope it does bring me to a better stage. and as for sure, changes come in package, there are a lot of things to expect when we receive and open the pack.

like weed...

the uniqueness of old folks conversation, the way they talk and discuss sometime could be so interesting. especially those who are still holding to the old custom and traditional way of life. their language is far more deep but the point is very clear, not like modern people nowadays who talk shallowly but hardly can understand what's the point they are trying to say.

our folks might be old, and we can't live the way they were in the past, but somehow, their wisdom is applicable to this very day. no matter how modern our life could be, take some time to listen to old folks, especially our own parents, they might not be as smart as to live in this technology era, but their thoughts, experiences and wisdoms might be as twice as thick of an encyclopedia.

"a person does not grow like weed, he was brought up by somebody, therefore he is not an individual, but a family member"
(a quote from my dad, last chinese new year 18/02/2007)

Love is in the air..

yesterday, everybody sing love song in the office
plus forwarding each other love msg
and what i did is...lucky draw for all the office staff
with the theme "valentine lucky draw special"
so we have fun celebrating valentine in the office..haha

for me and my darling..
as usual, we didn't celebrate valentine
i went home from work,
cook some food,
said grace together, and eat dinner..
after that watching TV and that's it.

most important thing is the Love that we share
and appreciation towards each other..

to all my friends, Happy Valentine Day..

to my Darling..i love you so much
and everyday is valentine day for us.

Retire age at 60??

Government to study longer term for civil servants
By PAUL CHOO
PUTRAJAYA: The Government will study extending the retirement age of civil servants to 60.
Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said the current retirement age of 56 was too low for one to retire.
He said the longer life span and better health enjoyed by Malaysians now should also be taken into account.

i cut the news above from thestar.com.my, i believe it's a good effort, but i hope gov do give options to the civil servants tht will benefit both.

from my point of view, indirectly this actually promote civil servants to practise healthy lifestyle and diet, which in the end improve the malaysian life quality, because in order to work until the age of 60 without decreasing the level of efficiency and effectiveness, one need to be physically and mentally fit.

what do u think?

sooo..adorable....

i wish i could have a puppy like this.......

i envy my fren, she got two kitties,

i can't keep one

please let me have a puppy,

juz now i went to pet shop

how i wish i can take home one cute little puppy i saw there,

i promise to myself, i'm gonna have one in the future

^_^

time goes by...so slowly....

well that will remind you of Madona's song rite :P

actually that is how i feel right now.
i can feel that time is like slowing down to a snail pace.
i miss my darling so much.
can't wait to meet him this weekend.
i'm counting every hour towards it..huh..
how i wish i could meet him earlier than that
today or tomoro..i'll be so much pleased..

i hope mom and dad will not cancel their trip again nxt week.
they promise to come and stay with me for one week.
they cancelled it last week, i'm so sad.
sumtime, staying alone does feel empty.
guess i only need single storey house and not double.
it is so spacy for a girl like me (i miss my apartment in sec.2)
but lucky to hv lovely neighbour with cute children :)

office is dull, i feel sleepy
papers and research, i need to dig
owh..i'm waiting for docs, it's like forever
and now playing in my winamp is Zombie..
guess it suit my condition now hihihihi..

ciao!

sound of the rain..

thru my office door, i can see the rain fall down..a beautiful scene actually, last time when i was a little kid, i like to watch the rain...i like the temperature dropped because of the rain..coz back in my village, it was very hot during sunny day.

right now i'm listening to "fall" by hilsong, it was not coincident i guess, suit the sound of the rain...i found peace of mind..just watching and listen to the rain..i wish i could break free and dance in the rain..hopefully one day i could.

last weekend, i hang out with buddies i treasure since my childhood. it was a refreshing moment for myself like the rain today washing up the atmosphere. with them, i realized how things have change and yet we can still connect with each other in topics that each brought into conversation..that's the uniqueness of buddies being brought up in a same community, background and culture, no matter how many years we have been away from each other and how different we have become, still there is something inside of us remain and never change like the rain. i guess i'm proud of that.

well guys, thanks for your time and the drink hehhehe..wish you all the best in future circumstances. God bless y'all! and i guess, it is rain of blessing today..hehehehe